I have fellowshipped with different religious groups and congregations in my life, and I have been careful not to burn any bridges. I have always been welcome to come back and visit anywhere I have been along the way...until now.
In what was best decribed by a friend as a "bizarre" series of events and explanations, I now find myself [disfellowshipped] from the United Church of God (UCG). I have put brackets around the word disfellowshipped. This is because it is the word commonly used by people in our tradition to describe what happened to me, however the church has told me that it is not the right word to use in this case. I am not allowed to attend worship services or any activities sponsored by congregations of UCG. When I asked for a word they would prefer that I use to describe this action, none was offered.
For those who may not know me very well, a brief history is in order. By 1999, my family was attending UCG more often than anywhere else, primarily for the sake of our daughter. Prior to this time, we attended at various fellowships in an effort to maintain contact with as many of our friends as possible, and because we disagree, in principle, with the spirit of division in the churches. Due to some personnel defections in our part of the country at the time, UCG was undermanned- ministers regularly commented on how thinly they were stretched, and members watched a lot of videos. After the Feast in 1999, I offered to help out by asking that the church recognize my ministerial credentials. About a year later, they did, with the condition that I discontinue my habit of Sabbath fellowship with non-United groups, which I did. Due to their manpower issues, and the poor health of the local pastor, I found myself extremely busy in the church, useful and appreciated, for 4 years. By summer of 2004, there was a new, and healthy, pastor in the area. I decided that I was no longer willing to limit my Sabbath fellowship to UCG congregations. Since I had previously promised not to attend elsewhere, I informed the UCG Council of my present position. They responded by removing my UCG ministerial credentials, and by the fall of that year, my attendance at UCG was rare. My wife and daughter attended there much more regularly, and we continued to be the only source of transportation to UCG for an elderly widow. Over the past 4 years, I have continued to attend once in a while at UCG services in our region, a couple of fall Feasts, and many activities.
So what changed? I don't know. Here is what has happened the past few months (CliffsNotes version in bullets, for those pressed for time):
- I was recently told that, over 4 years ago, I was forbidden to attend services anywhere in United except one congregation. Unfortunately, someone "dropped the ball" and I was not told about this, and neither were any of the pastors in the various places and Feasts I attended on occasion (I was on good terms with them all).
- I was also recently told that there would be conditions placed on my attendance at the one congregation where I was not yet banned. The first condition I was asked to accept was that I must refuse to anoint anyone that asked me, if that person was considered a member of UCG. Of course, I could not agree to this and still follow the example of the One whose minister I am. Therefore, I was informed that I was not welcome at any United service or activity, anywhere.
Obviously, there is much more to this story. If you are interested, the unabridged version follows- read on. I will share with you what I know, but if you want to know why this happened, you'll have to ask someone else, because I was not told (and I did ask).
It all started (at least the recent history) a few weeks before the 2008 Feast. I had just cut back on my responsibilities at the independent congregation where I attended, for the purpose of focusing on a local ministry my wife and I were starting, and also to enable me to further broaden my circle of fellowship, as I had been doing since 2004. I was attending at UCG one Sabbath, and the songleader asked me to give a prayer, which I did. After the service, the pastor, who was relatively new to the area, met hurriedly with his elders, and eventually asked to talk to me. He said that he had been told that I was not to be in front of the congregation in any way (songleading, speaking, praying, etc.). He asked if I would cooperate, and I said certainly. If I were asked to pray, I would simply tell the songleader that I had been informed I was not to do that.
The pastor then surprised me by saying that he had also been informed that I was not to be attending UCG services anywhere else but with this particular congregation. I assured him that this was not the case, because I had been attending as often as I wanted, wherever I wanted, for the last 4 years. I was certain that there must have been a misunderstanding, or that someone had a less-than-perfect memory. He suggested that we meet to discuss these things. In an email the next week, I reminded him that I was certain that he had been somehow misinformed, and asked him to check into it.
Why was I certain that his information was not correct? There are many reasons. Here are a few that come to mind:
- The UCG Council removed my ministerial credentials. They did not say anything about my attendance.
- When the local congregation was informed of this action by the Council, the pastor making the announcement told the congregation that I was a person who desired to bring people together. This was said as a compliment (I was there). There was no mention of restrictions on my attendance.
- I continued to attend on occasion...in at least 5 different areas in the US, 2 in the Caribbean, as well as 2 Feasts in the Caribbean. My presence was not a secret, and in every case except maybe one, I spoke with the pastors and/or elders and was on good terms with all of them.
- I noticed at one of the Feasts (where I was good friends with all the local people, speakers, songleaders, etc) that I was not asked to offer a prayer the whole time. I knew this must have been by design, so I asked the coordinator lighthardedly if he had been told to use a "ten foot pole" with me. He just smiled and said "nine-and-a-half." No word that I wasn't even supposed to be there.
- I attended the Louisville winter activity once since 2004, and even served in the activity room. The first person I met in the morning was the president of the church, and we chatted briefly. No question about why I was there, or mention that I should not be.
- I wrote to UCG's director of ministerial services about 3 years ago, and offered to conduct Passover with a very small group of UCG members (5) in the Caribbean at my own expense. We had visited these people while I was serving in United, and they very rarely see a live minister unless they can make it to the Feast. One member is elderly and can not make it to the Feast most years. I assured him that I would represent the organization well. He said he would discuss it with the church president. After he did, he replied simply, thanks, but it is not necessary. He did not say I couldn't go to Passover with them, just that they did not need me to conduct the service.
- Although I did not attend UCG regularly, I was always welcome whenever and wherever I did. Always.
Right before the Feast last year, shortly after the prayer incident, I was able to meet with the local pastor, thinking that we would be discussing this partial fellowship ban. When we got together, however, he said it was his intention to come to some kind of agreement about my attendance. He had some conditions. The first one he brought up was about anointing the sick. He said that if I wanted to attend, I must agree that I would not anoint anyone who is considered a member of United. (Now, I do not go to UCG services and anoint UCG people, and I told him that those who ask me know that I am not a UCG minister.) I did not have to think about this very long. What minister, standing at a hospital bedside of one who had just asked to be anointed, would refuse to anoint this person based on where they fellowship? I do not see Jesus setting an example that resembles that in any way. When I told the pastor that I could not agree to this condition, he told me that I could not attend any UCG servcies or activities. He mentioned that this was not just about anointing, but any functions of a minister, and he said that there were to be other conditions as well, but that there was no point in discussing them since I would not agree to the first one. I concurred.
He asked if I would cooperate. I asked in what way one who is disfellowshipped needs to cooperate, and that is when I learned that they do not like to use the word disfellowship in cases like mine. When I asked what word he would prefer that I use, he declined to provide one.
I was stunned by this outcome, and the fact that we never even discussed the alleged partial [disfellowship], but I suppose it was a moot point anyway, since the ban was now complete. I emailed him and begged him to reconsider. He replied and suggested that we meet and discuss again. I was OK with that, and asked him to contact me after the Feast.
In the meantime, at the urging of my wife and others, I wrote to Cincinnati (Secretary of the Council) after the Feast to try and begin an appeal process. I had been advised to do it promptly, because there are time limits. The reply I received informed me that I am not considered a member of United. Since United does not disfellowship people who are not considered members, there is no indication that I was disfellowshipped. As a result, there is no decision to appeal. The appeal process is for those who are active members of the United Church of God.
The local pastor never did contact me after the Feast, but my wife wrote to him asking, among other things, why he was doing this to me without even getting to know me first. He contacted her and she invited him to come to our house. When he (and his wife) came, he told my wife that he had come in response to her letter, since she was considered a United member, and that I was welcome to be there as her husband (and I was). It was at this meeting that he told my wife that I had actually been banned from all UCG congregations (save one) over 4 years ago. When we both expressed our disbelief, he admitted that someone had "dropped the ball," and he realized that neither I nor the pastors he had talked to knew about it. We asked Why, and he told us that he really didn't know all the details. We asked him Who, and he said that he did not feel comfortable telling us. My wife asked if my attendance was was confusing for anyone, and he said "Yes, but they spoke to me in confidence, so I cannot share with you who they are." He said it is simpler to deal with me than to answer any number of questions that people may have about me. My wife and I would be happy to answer the questions ourselves, but no one has ever said anything to either of us about my attendance. My wife asked him how we can reconcile with people if we do not know who they are. We asked why I am being treated this way when I had always fellowshipped in peace. His reply to many of these questions was that the decision was 4 years ago, it wasn't handled very well, and we all must move on. I told him that I was disappointed that those who desire to treat me this way do not have the courage or the courtesy to face me themselves. Finally, I told him that I had really been looking forward to getting to know him, but that this was a lousy way to begin a relationship. It is so sad.
It was made clear, however, that the church claims this action regarding my attendance was taken (rather poorly, they admit) over 4 years ago, at the time I informed the Council that I was planning to expand my Sabbath fellowship to people not in UCG. At that time, I was an active member of United. I was attending every week, and went to a UCG Feast that fall as well. Therefore, I should have been eligible to appeal the decision. Of course, I could not appeal something I did not know about.
I wrote again to Cincinnati with this new information, stating again that I wished to appeal. I did not receive an answer right away. In the meantime, my wife wrote a letter to the UCG Council asking them the same questions she had asked the local pastor, as well as asking for documentation of the decision from 4 years ago. (She is still waiting.) Another week later, I received an answer regarding the appeal process. I was told that the time limit to appeal had indeed passed, and that it was the Council that I would need to ask to extend it. I followed the instructions I was given 3 different times. As of this writng, it has been 6 weeks, and I have not received a reply. I think it best to follow the local UCG pastor's advice and "move on."
If you have any comments or questions, feel free to leave them. Your comment will not appear under the blog, but I will try to answer any questions I receive. Perhaps you have been given a reason that these things have happened to me. If so, please share! I have nothing to hide.
